Cornwall with Mum

So I spent the last few days in St Ives, Cornwall with my Mum by the seaside and it was just the best week I’ve had in about a year. It was so beautiful there, sunny (for the first time in weeks!) and we ate incredible food the whole time – I ate ice cream and chocolate every day, as well as three big meals, and I’ve not felt better about myself in a long time. Up until now I’ve been kidding myself that I can recover from anorexia and still eat perfectly healthy, just eating wholemeal grains, vegetables and proteins, and kidding myself that I didn’t love chocolate – eating loads of ‘unhealthy’ food over the last few days made me realise that I do love food, even ‘junk’ food, and there’s nothing wrong with treating myself once in a while; it’s literally impossible to recover from anorexia whilst only eating healthily or refusing to maintain a normal weight. I’m now eating normally, treating myself, only a few pounds away from a normal BMI, and (look away if you’re a boy!) have now got my period back after losing it for 6 months. I may be heavier than I’ve been in months, but I’ve never felt more at peace, and I feel like I’ve finally accepted myself, and my need for health and happiness.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and it’s come at a brilliant time, as I have the whole Summer ahead of me to really get my life sorted again – and I’ve booked an appointment to give blood in September; I’ve got about half a stone to gain before I’ll be allowed to, so that’ll be a real achievement if I can!

Here are some pictures from my epiphany trip with my lovely Mum :)

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17 thoughts on “Cornwall with Mum

  1. As I’m reading this, I’m doing something I was absolutely incapable of doing just a year ago: drinking a mocha latte (in front of other people, no less)! Anorexia is such a stupefyingly difficult thing to work past, and so I can do nothing but applaud you for the progress you’re making. It’s so great when you get to that point where you can enjoy all types of food, including sugars and fats and things people mistakenly label “unhealthy” or “junk.” I too am heavier than I’ve been in a long time but somehow it doesn’t feel terrible, at least for today. I’m glad that you’re in the same headspace. Congrats! I hope your journey to recovery only gets better.

    • Thank you so much for this lovely comment :D
      Good luck with your recovery, and well done for reaching a point where you feel good about yourself, stay strong x
      P.S. You’re so right to say some food is ‘mistakenly’ unhealthy, health is not just about good and bad food, it’s about balance :)

  2. Emily, what beautiful pictures! I have always wanted to visit Cornwall ever since I read some children’s stories set in the area. The water looks so gorgeous, such a sparkling blue! And I can understand your feelings. I struggled with bad body image and would do everything possible to lose weight, eating less and going on weird diets. I went through gestational diabetes too. I know what it feels like to deprive yourself of goodies. And you know what? It is ok to have some junk food every once in a while. As long as we consume in moderation, it’s ok. I think you are well on your way to a completely healthy lifestyle, keep it up and good luck to you!!

    • Thank you so much, that’s really nice to hear :D
      Hope you’re feeling better about yourself, it’s never worth it to beat yourself up. Cornwall was so lovely, going back next year I hope! x

  3. THanks for this fabulous article. I’ve never faced an eating disorder, and can’t even come close to relating to your illness, but I had gestational diabetes during my last pregnancy, and was facing the awful situation of knowing that every bite of food I was eating was causing potential harm to my unborn baby. It was the most dreadful feeling, and so alien to someone like me who has had a fabulous relationship with food my whole life.

    Now that my boy is safely born (and very healthy and happy!) and my blood sugars all are back to normal, I again find that food and pleasure are so inextricably linked – the enjoyment of tasting fabulous food, the joy of sharing a meal with family and friends, and the appreciation of the fact that food is quite literally one of the few absolute essentials to living a healthy life.

    Congratulations on recapturing the link between food and pleasure – presumably this is something that you struggle with when you face an eating disorder.

    Isn’t Cornwall just the most beautiful county in England? I lived there for a year and have such fond memories of the beaches and countryside.

    • My God, how inspiring – I’d never even heard of that kind of diabetes before, I’m so glad you and your son are now both healthy and happy :)
      You’re right, I’ve always loved food, and it was such a struggle when I felt like food was the enemy, and it was so nice to bond with my Mamma with all the different treats we had! Cornwall is ridiculously beautiful, and we were so lucky to have nice weather – next time I go I might try and get surfing lessons :p
      Thanks so much for writing this lovely message x

  4. I’m glad you have made a recovery! =) I agree, eating healthy isn’t always the tastiest, but it makes me feel good about myself, and I hope it does the same for you. Treats occasionally isn’t bad for you either! And dark chocolate is an antioxidant anyway, so an occasional bite is definitely okay. It looks like you had a lot of fun too. I’m so jealous because I really wish I could visit Stonehenge/England as well. =)

    • Thank you – I love healthy food, and I really do love looking after myself and following my vegan/vegetarian diet, but I really am too strict with myself, and so I’m letting myself have little puddings and treats here and there to maintain a healthy soul as well as a healthy body :p x

      P.S. I live in London most of the year so I’ll probably be jealous of you if you live somewhere warmer!

  5. Aww this really made me smile, your story has really touched me, and I am so glad you’re in such a great place right now! What an inspiration, good for you girl! hehe :)

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