So I spent the last few days in St Ives, Cornwall with my Mum by the seaside and it was just the best week I’ve had in about a year. It was so beautiful there, sunny (for the first time in weeks!) and we ate incredible food the whole time – I ate ice cream and chocolate every day, as well as three big meals, and I’ve not felt better about myself in a long time. Up until now I’ve been kidding myself that I can recover from anorexia and still eat perfectly healthy, just eating wholemeal grains, vegetables and proteins, and kidding myself that I didn’t love chocolate – eating loads of ‘unhealthy’ food over the last few days made me realise that I do love food, even ‘junk’ food, and there’s nothing wrong with treating myself once in a while; it’s literally impossible to recover from anorexia whilst only eating healthily or refusing to maintain a normal weight. I’m now eating normally, treating myself, only a few pounds away from a normal BMI, and (look away if you’re a boy!) have now got my period back after losing it for 6 months. I may be heavier than I’ve been in months, but I’ve never felt more at peace, and I feel like I’ve finally accepted myself, and my need for health and happiness.
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and it’s come at a brilliant time, as I have the whole Summer ahead of me to really get my life sorted again – and I’ve booked an appointment to give blood in September; I’ve got about half a stone to gain before I’ll be allowed to, so that’ll be a real achievement if I can!
Here are some pictures from my epiphany trip with my lovely Mum :)